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LOVE    LETTERS    OF  A    ROOKIE 


BY 

EDWARD   STREETER 

LiExrr.  27th  (n.  y.)  division 

WITH  36  ILLUSTRATIONS  IN  BLACK-AND-WHITE  BY 

G.  WILLIAM  BRECK 

CBill  Breck") 

CORP.  27th  (N.  Y.)  division 


NEW  YORK 

FREDERICK  A.  STOKES  COMPANY 

PUBLISHERS 


CopyriglU,  191 8,  hy 
Frederick  A.  Stokes  Company 


All  Rights  Reserved 


First  Printing April  25,  1918 

Second  Printing May  i6,  1918 

Tliird  Printing June  28,  1918 

Fourth  Printing June  30,  1918 

Fifth  Printing July  6,  1918 

Sixth  Printing July  18,  1918 

Seventh  Printing Aug.  2,  1918 

Eighth  Printing Aug.  14,  1918 

Ninth  Printing Aug.  27,  1918 

Tenth  Printing Sept.  11,  1918 

Eleventh  Printing Sept.  20,  19 18 

Twelfth  Printing Oct.  i,  1918 

Thirteenth  Printing Oct.  14,  1918 

Fourteenth  Printing  . .  .Oct.  16,  19 18 


PEIinED  IN  THE  UNITED   STATES  OF  AMERICA 


DEDICATION 

To  a  miUlon  Private  Bills  who  have 
suddenly  learnt  to  call  a  coat  a  blouse. 
Taking  things  as  they  find  them. 
Vaguely  understanding.  Caring  less. 
Grumbling  by  custom.  Cheerful  by  na- 
ture. Ever  anxious  to  be  where  they 
are  not.  Ever  anxious  to  be  somewhere 
else  when  they  get  there.  Without 
thought  of  sacrifice.  Who  have  left  the 
flag-waving  to  those  at  home.  Who 
serve  as  a  matter  of  course. 


LIST  OF  ILLUSTRATIONS 


Mable 


Frontispiece 


"The  only  place  there  flat  is  on  the  map" 

"You  can  read  em  to  your  grandchildren 

"You  walk  a  post  but  there  aint  no  post 

"I  just  found  it  in  my  bakin  can"  . 

"I  dont  like  any  sargeant" 

"I  dont  care  much  for  horses,  they  feels  the  same  way 

about  me"         .... 
"Max  Glucos  what  lives  on  the  next  cot" 
"Smith  are  you  laffin  at  me?"  . 
"One  day  its  our  teeth" 
"Remember  me  to  your  mother" 
"Not  the  kind  your  father  has" 
"I  wear  them  ever)'^  night  over  my  uniform" 
"I  been  made  an  officer" 
"Somebodied  set  a  trunk  on  the  turky" 
"Built  like  the  leg  of  a  sailurs  trowsers" 
"You  paint  a  horse  black  and  white  stripes 
"I  spent  mine  doin  Kitchen  police" 
"I  wish  that  hired  girl  could  come  down 
"A  croquette  is  a  French  society  woman" 
"I  sat  next  to  a  Colonels  wife"     . 
"Men  hate  to  be  watched  while  they  are  freezin" 
"I  had  a  reputashun  for  a  devil  with  the  wimen" 

V 


FACING 
PAGE 


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lO 

II 

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32 

34 
36 


VI 


LIST  OF  ILLUSTRATIONS 


your 


I  was 


"It  seemed  to  depres  them  awful"    . 

"If  I  catch  one  of  those  ailin  enemies  windin  up 

victrola"  .         •         •         •         • 

"Stuck  my  head  out  of  the  blankets"     . 
"When  I  looked  in  the  tin  mirror  I  thought 

starvin"  ..•••• 
"They  come  round  an  watch  you  eat  it"    . 
"Army  food  always  runs"     . 
"He  smokes  cigarets  something  awful"    . 
"I  poured  some  oil  out  of  his  lamp"  . 
"I  even  got  mud  in  my  hair" 
"The  water  comes  through  on  me"  . 
"The  last  time  I  will  take  my  pen  in  hand  for  you" 
"It  wont  be  no  use  runin  to  the  door"    . 


TAdNC 
PACE 

.         38 


40 
42 

44 
46 

48 
50 

52 
54 
55 
58 
60 


Dere  Mable 

Love  Letters  of  a  Rookie 

Dere  Mable: 

I  guess  you  thought  I  was  dead.  YouU  never 
know  how  near  you  was  to  right.  We  got  the 
tents  up  at  last,  though,  so  I  got  a  minit  to  rite. 
I  guess  they  choose  these  camps  by  mail  order. 
The  only  place  there  flat  is  on  the  map.  Where 
our  tents  is  would  make  a  good  place  for  a  Rocky 
Mountin  goat  If  he  didnt  break  his  neck.  The 
first  day  the  Captin  came  out  an  says  "Pitch 
your  tents  here."  Then  he  went  to  look  for  some- 
one quick  before  anyone  could  ask  him  how.  I 
wish  I  was  a  Captin.  I  guess  he  thought  we 
was  Alpine  Chasers.  Eh,  Mable?  But  you  prob- 
ably dont  know  what  those  are. 

Honest,  Mable,  if  Id  put  in  the  work  I  done 
last  week  on  the  Panamah  Canal  it  would  have 
been  workin  long  before  it  was.  Of  course  there 
was  a  lot  of  fellos  there  with  me  but  it  seemed  like 
all  they  did  was  to  stand  round  and  hand  me 
shovels  when  I  wore  em  out. 


2  DERE  MABLE 

The  Captin  appresheates  me  though.  The 
other  day  he  watched  me  work  awhile  and  then, 
he  says  "Smith."  He  calls  me  Smith  now.  We 
got  very  friendly  since  I  been  nice  to  him.  I 
noticed  none  of  the  other  fellos  had  much  to  say 
to  him.  I  felt  kind  of  sorry  for  him.  Hes  a 
human  bein  even  if  he  Is  a  Captin,  Mable.  So 
every  time  I  saw  him  I  used  to  stop  him  and  talk 
to  him.  Democratic.  Thats  me  all  over,  Mable. 
"Smith"  he  says  "If  they  was  all  like  you  round 
here  war  would  be  hell,  no  joke."  By  which  he 
meant  that  we  would  make  it  hot  for  the  Boshes. 

I  been  feelin  awful  sorry  for  you,  Mable. 
What  with  missin  me  and  your  fathers  liver  gone 
back  on  him  again  things  must  have  been  awful 
lonesome  for  you.  It  isnt  as  if  you  was  a  girl 
what  had  a  lot  of  fellos  hangin  round  all  the  time. 
Not  that  you  couldnt  have  em,  Mable,  but  you 
dont  an  theres  no  use  makin  no  bones  about  it. 
If  it  hadnt  been  for  me  I  guess  things  would  have 
been  pretty  stupid  though  I  dont  begrudge  you 
a  sent.  You  know  how  I  am  with  my  money.  I 
guess  you  ought  to  anyway.  Eh,  Mable?  Never 
talk  of  money  matters  in  connexun  with  a  wo- 
man.   Thats  me  all  over. 

Now  I  got  started  an  found  a  fountin  pen  an 
the  Y.M.C.A.  givin  away  paper  like  It  does 
Im   goln  to  rite  you   regular.      They  say  there 


a.B. 


"the  only  place  there  flat  is  on  the  map' 


'you  can  read  em  to  your  granchildrem 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE        3 

goln  to  charge  three  sents  for  a  letter  pretty  soon. 
That  aint  goin  to  stop  me  though,  Mable.  There 
aint  no  power  In  heavin  or  earth,  as  the  poets 
say,  as  can  come  between  you  and  me,  Mable. 
You  mite  send  a  few  three  sent  stamps  when  you 
rite.  That  is  if  your  fathers  able  to  work  yet. 
And  willin,  I  should  add. 

Of  course  it  aint  nothin  to  me  but  Id  keep  these 
letters  what  you  get  from  me  as  a  record  of  the 
war.  Some  day  you  can  read  em  to  your  gran- 
children  an  say  "Your  Granfather  Bill  did  all 
these  things."  Aint  I  the  worst,  Mable?  Serious 
though  I  havnt  found  noone  so  far  what  has 
thought  of  doin  this  except  the  newspapers.  I 
guess  111  get  a  lot  of  inside  stuff  that  theyll  never 
see.  So  this  may  be  the  only  one  of  its  kind. 
But  it  doesnt  matter  to  me  what  you  do  with  them, 
Mable. 

Later  111  tell  you  all  about  everything  but  I 
guess  you  wont  understand  much  cause  its  teck- 
nickle.  Lots  of  the  fellos  are  gettin  nitted  things 
and  candy  and  stuff  right  along.  Dont  pay  no 
attenshun  to  that,  though,  or  take  it  for  a  hint 
cause  it  aint.  I  just  say  it  as  matter  of  rekord. 
Independent  if  nothin.  Thats  me  all  over. 
Yours  till  the  war  ends 

Bill. 


Dere  Mahle: 

Having  nothin  better  to  do  I  take  up  my  pen 
to  rite. 

We  have  been  here  now  three  weeks.  As  far 
as  I  am  concerned  I  am  all  ready  to  go.  I  told 
the  Captin  that  I  was  ready  any  time.  He  said 
yes,  but  that  wed  have  to  wait  for  the  slow  ones 
cause  they  was  all  goin  together.  I  says  was  I 
to  go  out  to  drill  with  the  rest.  He  said  yes 
more  for  the  example  than  anything  else.  Its 
kind  of  maddening  to  be  hangin  round  here  when 
I  might  be  over  there  helpin  the  Sammies  put  a 
stop  to  this  thing. 

In  the  mean  time  I  been  doin  guard  duty. 
Seems  like  I  been  doin  it  every  night  but  I  know 
what  there  up  against  and  I  dont  say  nothin. 
Guard  duty  is  something  like  extemperaneus 
speakin.  You  got  to  know  everything  your  goin 
to  say  before  you  start.  Its  very  tecknickle.  For 
Instance  you  walk  a  post  but  there  aint  no  post. 
An  you  mount  guard  but  you  dont  really  mount 
nothin.  An  you  turn  out  the  guard  but  you  dont 
really  turn  em  out.  They  come  out  them  selves. 
Just  the  other  night  I  was  walkin  along  thinkin  of 

4 


"you  walk  a  post  but  there  aint  no  post' 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE        5 

you  Mable  an  my  feet  which  was  hurtin.  It  made 
me  awful  lonesome.  An  officer  come  up  and  he 
says  why  dont  you  draw  your  pistol  when  you  here 
someone  comln.  An  I  says  I  dont  wait  till  the 
sheep  Is  stole  I  drew  it  this  afternoon  from  the 
Supply  sargent.  An  I  showed  it  to  him  tucked  In- 
side my  shirt  where  noone  could  get  It  away  from 
me  without  some  tussel,  you  bet,  Mable.  But  It 
seems  that  you  got  to  keep  on  drawin  it  all  the 
time.  Then  later  I  here  footsteps.  I  was  expectin 
the  relief  so  I  was  right  on  the  job.  An  a  man 
come  up  and  I  poked  my  pistol  right  in  his  face  an 
says  Halt.  Who  goes  there?  And  he  says  Offi- 
cer of  the  day.  An  bein  disappointed  as  who 
wouldnt  be  I  says  Oh  hell.  I  thought  It  was  the 
relief.  An  he  objected  to  that.  The  relief,  Ma- 
ble— but  whats  the  use  you  wouldnt  understand  It. 
Theres  some  mistake  up  north  Mable  about  the 
way  were  built,  Mable.  Its  kind  of  depresin  to 
think  that  you  could  forget  about  us  so  quick. 
Everyones  gettin  sweters  without  sleeves  and 
gloves  without  fingers.  We  still  got  everything 
we  started  with  Mable.  Why  not  sox  without  feet 
and  pants  without  legs.  If  your  makin  these  things 
for  after  the  war  I  think  your  antlclpatin  a  little. 
Besides  its  depresin  for  the  fellos  to  be  remind- 
ed all  the  time.  Its  like  givin  a  fello  a  life  mem- 
bership to  the  Old  Soldiers  home  to  cheer  him  up 


6  DERE  MABLE 

when  he  sails.  I  was  sayin  the  other  day  that  if 
the  fellos  at  Washington  ever  get  onto  this  theyll 
be  issuin  soleles  shoes  and  shirtles  sieves. 

Its  gettin  awful  cold.  No  wonder  this  is  a 
healthy  place.  All  the  germs  is  froze.  I  guess 
there  idea  of  the  hardenin  proces  is  to  freeze  a 
fello  stiff.  The  Captin  said  the  other  day  we  was 
gettin  in  tents  of  trainin.  Thats  all  right  but  Id 
kind  of  like  to  see  those  steam  heated  barraks. 
Youve  red  about  those  fellos  that  go  swimmin  in 
the  ice  in  winter.  I  guess  thed  like  our  shouer 
baths.  They  say  Cleanliness  is  next  to  Godliness, 
Mable.     I  say  its  next  to  impossible. 

I  started  this  letter  almost  a  weak  ago.  I  just 
found  it  in  my  bakin  can.  They  call  it  a  bakin 
can  but  its  too  small  to  bake  nothin.  I  keep  my 
soap  in  it.  I  got  some  news  for  you.  The  regi- 
ment is  to  be  dismantled.  The  Captin  called  me 
over  this  mornin  and  asked  mc  where  Id  like  to  be 
transferred.  I  said  home  if  it  was  the  same  to 
him.  So  there  goin  to  send  mc  to  the  artillery. 
This  is  a  very  dangerous  and  useful  limb  of  the 
servus,  Mable.  I  dont  kno  my  address.  Just  write 
me  care  of  the  General. 

I  got  the  red  muffler  that  your  mother  sent  me. 
Give  her  my  love  just  the  same 

yourt  relentlessly, 

Bill. 


"l   JUST  FOUND  IT  IN   MY  BAKIN  CAN" 


Dere  Mahle: 

I  havnt  rote  for  some  time  I  had  such  sore  feet 
lately.  When  they  broke  up  our  regiment  and 
sent  me  over  to  the  artillery  I  thought  I  was  goln 
to  quit  usin  my  feet.  That  was  just  another 
roomor. 

Thanks  for  the  box  of  stuff  you  sent  me.  I 
guess  the  brakeman  must  have  used  it  for  a  chair 
all  the  way.  It  was  pretty  well  baled  but  that  dont 
matter.  And  thanks  for  the  fudge  too.  That 
was  fudge  wasnt  it,  Mable?  And  the  sox.  They 
dont  fit  but  I  can  use  them  for  somethin,  A  good 
soldier  never  throws  nothin  away.  An  thank  your 
mother  for  the  half  pair  of  gloves  she  sent  me. 
I  put  them  away.  Maybe  sometime  shell  get  a 
chance  to  nit  the  other  half.  Or  if  I  ever  get  all 
my  fingers  shot  off  theyll  come  in  very  handy. 

The  artillerys  a  little  different  from  the  infantry. 
They  make  us  work  harder.  At  least  theres  more 
work  on  the  skedule.  I  know  now  what  they  mean 
when  they  say  that  the  "artillerys  active  on  the 
western  front." 

They  got  a  drill  over  here  called  the  standin  gun 
drill.     The  names  misleadin.     I  guess  it  was  in- 

7 


8  DERE  MABLE 

vented  by  a  troop  of  Jap  akrobats.  They  make 
you  get  up  and  sit  on  the  gun.  Before  you  can 
get  settled  comfortable  they  make  you  get  down 
again.  It  looks  like  they  didnt  know  just  what 
they  did  want  you  to  do. 

I  dont  like  the  sargent.  I  dont  like  any  sar- 
gent  but  this  one  particular.  The  first  day  out 
he  kept  sayin  "Prepare  to  mount"  and  then 
"Mount."  Finally  I  went  up  to  him  and  told  him 
that  as  far  as  I  was  concerned  he  could  cut  that 
stuff  for  I  was  always  prepared  to  do  what  I  was 
told  even  though  it  was  the  middle  of  the  night. 
He  said,  Fine,  then  I  was  probably  prepared  to 
scrub  pans  all  day  Sunday. 

I  dont  care  much  for  horses.  I  think  they 
feels  the  same  way  about  me.  Most  of  them  are 
so  big  that  the  only  thing  there  good  for  is  the 
view  of  the  camp  you  get  when  you  climb  up. 
They  are  what  they  call  hors  de  combat  in  French. 
My  horse  died  the  other  day.  I  guess  it  wasnt 
much  effort  for  him.  If  it  had  been  he  wouldnt 
have  done  it. 

They  got  a  book  they  call  Drill  Regulations 
Field  and  Light.  Thats  about  as  censlble  as  it  is 
all  the  way  through.  For  instance  they  say  that 
when  the  command  for  action  is  given  one  man 
jumps  for  the  wheel  and  another  springs  for  the 
trail  an  another  leaps  for  the  muzzle.     I  guess 


"l   DONT   LIKE    ANY   SARGEANT" 


I  DONT  CARE  MUCH  FOR  HORSES,  THEY  FEELS  THE  SAME  WAY  ABOUT  ME" 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE        9 

the   fello  that   rote  the   regulations   thought   we 
was  a  bunch  of  grass  hoppers. 

Well  I  got  to  quit  now  an  rite  a  bunch  of  other 
girls.  Thanks  again  for  the  box  although  it  was 
so  busted  that  it  wasnt  much  good  but  that  dont 
matter. 

Yours  till  you  here  otherwise, 

Bill. 


Dere  Mable: 

Todays  Thanksglvin.  Im  thankful  things  aint 
no  worse  though  Max  Glucos  what  lives  on  the 
next  cot  says  they  couldnt  be.  Cheery  an  bright 
to  the  last.     Thats  me  all  over,  Mable. 

Every  man  gets  ateen  ounces  of  Turky  on 
Thanksglvin.  All  to  himself,  Mable.  The  sar- 
gent  says  the  commitee  on  Hays  and  Beans  at 
Washington  decides  that.  Mines  Inside.  Im  most 
to  full  for  expreshun  as  the  poets  say.  We  had  a 
great  dinner.  Soup  an  turky,  dressin,  crambury 
sause  an  pie  an  smashed  potatoes.  All  in  one 
plate.  I  wish  you  could  have  heard  how  the  fellos 
enjoyed  it  Mable.  I  know  now  why  they  call  the 
turkys  gobblers. 

Thanksglvin  Is  a  holiday.  All  a  fello  has  to  do 
on  a  holiday  in  the  artillery  is  to  feed  the  horses 
an  give  em  a  drink  an  smooth  em  out  an  take 
em  for  a  walk  an  then  feed  cm  an  smooth  em  out 
an  feed  em  an  give  em  a  drink.  It  makes  a  fello 
feel  like  givin  back  a  dollar  out  of  his  pay  at  the 
end  of  the  month. 

The  horses  has  the  softest  of  anyone,  Mable. 
They  dont  even  have  to  get  up  for  breakfast  in 


'max  glucos  what  lives  on  the  next  cot" 


'smith   are    I'OU   LAFFIN   AT   ME?" 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE      ii 

the  morning.  We  bring  It  to  em  in  a  little  bag 
filled  with  cereul.  You  tie  this  on  there  face.  I 
guess  they  aint  never  been  fed  before  the  war 
broke  out.  When  they  see  you  comin  they  start 
jumpin  round  like  starvin  sallurs.  I  dont  guess 
they  like  cereul.  I  wouldn't  ether  three  times  a 
day.  I  thought  theyd  give  em  somethin  different 
TharLksglvIn  but  not  a  chance.  There  always 
hopin  it  ull  be  somethin  else  I  guess.  When  they 
see  the  same  old  thing  they  get  sore  and  try  to 
step  on  your  feet. 

The  sargents  stand  way  behind  an  say  *'Go  on 
in.  They  wont  hurt  you."  An  then  when  they 
land  on  your  corn  they  say  "Thats  to  bad.  You 
didnt  do  it  right."  I  dont  like  sargents  any  better 
than  horses. 

An  I  dont  kno  as  Im  going  to  like  the  Captin 
much  better  ether.  The  other  day  I  got  laffin 
while  I  was  standin  in  line.  Just  laffin  to  myself. 
Not  disturbin  nobody.  The  Captin  turns  round 
an  says  "Smith  are  you  laffin  at  me?"  I  says 
no  sir  an  he  says  "Well  what  else  was  there  to 
laff  at?"  Thats  the  kind  of  a  fello  he  is.  I  didn't 
sass  him  back  or  nothin,  Mable.  Just  looked  at 
him  an  made  him  feel  cheap.  I  saw  him  again  in 
the  afternoon.  Course  I  didnt  salute.  He  says 
"What  do  you  mean  by  not  salutin?"  I  told  him 
I  thought  he  was  mad.    Im  glad  Im  not  his  wife, 


12  DERE  MABLE 

Mable.  You  never  know  how  to  take  a  fello  like 
that. 

If  I  hadnt  knowed  they  needed  me  Id  have  given 
him  two  weaks  notise  on  the  spot.  Duty  before 
pleasure  though.    Thats  me  all  over. 

We  took  the  guns  out  to  drill  the  other  day. 
The  Captin  was  talkin  about  indirect  firin.  Thats 
the  way  he  is.  Nothin  straight  forward  about 
him.  I  asked  the  sargent  about  it.  He  said  in- 
direct firin  was  where  you  shot  at  one  thing  an 
aimed  at  another.  I  hate  to  butt  in  Mable  but  it 
didnt  seem  right.  I  says  I  seen  the  Indien  girl 
in  the  circus  shoot  the  spots  out  of  a  card  over 
her  shoulder  but  wouldnt  it  be  more  censible  to 
cut  out  the  trick  stuff  till  we  was  more  used  to  the 
thing.    You  cant  argue  with  sargents,  though. 

Day  after  tomorrows  Inspecshun.  They  do  it 
every  Saturday.  Thats  another  thing  Im  thankful 
for.  Theres  only  one  Saturday  a  weak.  We  pull 
everything  out  an  pile  it  on  our  cots.  Then  the 
Captin  an  the  sargent  comes  in.  Every  time  its 
the  same.  He  says  "Thats  very  dirty  Smith 
wheres  your  other  shirt."  An  I  say  "I  aint  got 
none,  sir."  An  he  says  "Sargent  make  a  note  of 
that."  An  then  the  sargent  rites  somethin  in  a 
little  book.  Next  time  just  the  same.  The  Cap- 
tin  says  wheres  my  shirt  an  the  sargent  makes  a 
note.    I  guess  theres  somethin  in  the  drill  regula- 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE      13 

tions  what  makes  him  say  that  cause  I  aint  got 
no  other  shirt  yet. 

Well  Mable  Im  gettln  hungry  again  now.  Guess 
111  have  to  stop  an  buy  a  couple  of  pies.  We  dont 
get  nothin  to  eat  for  an  hour  yet. 

yours  till  the  ice  cracks  in  the  pale, 

Bill. 
P.  S.  I  had  to  borrow  a  stamp   for  this  letter. 
I  went  down  town  yesterday  an  spent  my  last  sent 
on  a  money  belt.    Its  a  good  one  though. 


Dere  Mahle: 

Rainln  today.  No  drill  so  Im  going  to  rite 
you.  If  I  dont  get  no  exercise  I  go  all  to  pieces. 
Im  back  from  the  artillery  into  the  infantry.  Cap- 
tin  an  I  had  different  ideas  about  runnin  things. 
One  of  us  had  to  leave.  Hed  been  there  longest. 
I  left.    Hot  headed.    Thats  me  all  over. 

Were  doin  baynut  drill  now.  I  cant  say  nothin 
about  it.  Its  not  for  wimens  ears.  We  have  one 
place  where  we  hit  the  Hun  in  the  nose  an  rip  all 
the  decorashuns  offen  his  uniform  all  in  one  stroke. 
Then  theres  another  where  you  give  him  a  shave 
an  a  round  hair  cut  an  end  by  knocking  his  hat 
over  his  eyes.  Then  the  wiperzup  come  over  with 
a  lot  of  bums  an  do  the  dirty  work.  I  an  the  rest 
of  the  fellos  go  ahead  an  take  another  trench. 
I  havnt  been  able  to  find  out  yet  where  we  take  it. 

Its  all  worked  out  cientifick.  The  fello  who 
doped  it  out  had  some  bean.  The  principul  of  the 
thing  is  to  get  the  other  fello  an  not  let  him  get 
you.  If  the  allys  had  doped  out  some  skeme 
like  this  the  war  would  have  been  over  now.  There 
wouldnt  have  been  no  Huns  left.  It  takes  us 
Uncle  Sammies.     Eh  Mable? 


"ONE  DAY  1X3  OUR  TEETH' 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE      15 

There  gettin  up  a  thrift  campain  now  Mable. 
First  they  sell  us  enough  Liberty  Bonds  to  buy 
a  brand  new  army  an  let  us  go  home.  Then  they 
cram  a  lot  of  Insurence  at  you  what  wont  never 
do  you  no  good  after  your  killed.  Then  I  guess 
they  found  that  someone  still  had  a  couple  of  dol- 
lars left  so  they  made  us  send  that  back  home. 
Now  there  gettin  up  a  thrift  campain  Mable.  They 
dont  want  us  to  spend  our  money  foolish  sos  we 
can  buy  the  Singer  Buildin  or  a  Ford  or  some- 
thin  like  that  when  the  war  is  over. 

Some  one  say  that  we  was  the  highest  payed 
army  in  the  world.  Besides  all  this  money  we  get 
our  bed  and  board.  I  guess  they  dont  know  that  in 
the  army  bed  and  board  mean  the  same  thing. 
Eh,  Mable?     Still  the  same  old  Bill. 

There  always  inspectin  us.  I  feel  like  a  piece  of 
prize  beef.  They  never  inspect  a  man  all  the  way 
through.  I  guess  the  inspecters  get  payed  by  the 
day  durin  the  duration  of  the  inspecshun.  One 
day  its  our  teeth  an  another  our  heart  an  another 
our  lungs.  The  other  day  we  was  all  lined  up  in 
the  company  street  and  the  sargent  says  "Inspec- 
shun arms."  I  lays  down  my  gim  an  rolls  up  my 
sieves.  Just  to  show  you  how  tecknickle  the  army 
is  he  didnt  want  to  see  my  arms  at  all  but  my  gun. 
Hows  a  fello  goin  to  tell,  Mable? 

I   went  up   for  thirds   at  breakfast  the   other 


i6  DERE  MABLE 

morning  as  usual  an  the  cook,  said  "You  seem  to 
like  coffee."  Right  away  without  stoppin  to  think 
or  nothin  I  says  back  "Yes  thats  the  reason  Im 
willin  to  drink  so  much  hot  water  to  get  some." 
Eh,  Mable? 

Went  to  a  dance  the  other  night  and  met  some 
swell  girls.  I  made  em  all  laff.  I  says  I  guess  I 
gots  the  Instlnks  of  a  soldier  all  right.  The  minit 
I  smell  powder  Im  right  on  my  tows. 

I  havent  been  very  well  lately.  I  guess  111  cut 
out  eatin  at  meals.  It  spoils  my  appitite  for  the 
rest  of  the  day.  I  kno  youU  be  glad  to  kno 
my  feet  aint  hurtin  so  much.  Remember  me  to 
the  hired  girl  and  your  mother. 

Yours  through  the  winter, 

Bill. 


"remember  me  to  your  mother" 


Chair  Mahle: 

Thats  French.  I  didnt  expect  you  to  kno  what 
it  meant  though.  The  Y.M.CA.  are  learnin  me 
French  now.  I  only  had  three  lessons  so  far  but 
I  can  talk  it  pretty  good.  You  know  how  quick 
I  am  at  pickin  up  any  kind  of  trick  stuff  like  that. 
The  only  difference  between  French  and  English 
is  that  there  pretty  near  alike  but  the  French 
dont  pronounce  there  words  right. 

When  I  use  French  words  111  underline  them. 
Thatll  giv^e  you  some  idea  of  the  languige. 

When  we  get  voila  as  the  French  say  for  over 
there  itU  come  handy  to  be  able  to  sit  down  and 
have  a  dosy  dos  with  them  poilus.  (That  means 
chew  the  rag  in  English.)  A  poilus  Mable  is  a 
French  peasant  girl  an  they  say  that  they  are  very 
belle.  (Now  don't  mispronounce  things  an  get  sore 
till  you  know.  You  pronounce  that  like  the  bell 
in  push  button.  It  means  good  lookers.)  There 
crazy  about  us  fellos.  They  call  us  Sammies.  They 
named  one  of  there  rivers  for  us.  You  have  heard 
of  the  battle  of  the  Samme.  But  I  dont  suppose 
you  have. 

They  have  been  learnin  us  a  lot  about  gas  at- 
17 


i8  DERE  MABLE 

tacks  lately.  These  are  not  the  kind  your  father 
has.  These  are  more  like  the  open  places  in  the 
street  on  6th  avenoo.  Only  in  the  army  when 
anything  like  this  happens  they  give  you  a  gas 
mask.  A  gas  mask  is  like  a  cracked  ice  bag  with 
windos  in  it.  An  in  the  front  they  got  a  cigaret 
holder.  I  always  heard  how  the  French  was  cig- 
aret feends.  I  guess  it  got  so  bad  they  put  in  the 
holders  sos  they  could  smoke  during  a  gas  attack. 

Im  goin  to  put  on  my  mask  an  have  my  pictur 
took  en  cabinet.  Thats  nothin  to  do  with  fur- 
niture, Mable.  Its  the  French  for  what  its  goin 
to  look  like  when  its  done. 

The  gas  fello  said  the  other  day  that  gas  was 
perfectly  safe  cause  you  could  always  tell  when 
it  was  comin.  You  could  hear  it  escape  or  see 
it  or  smell  it.  The  only  trouble  was,  he  said, 
that  when  the  gas  started  the  machine  guns  made 
so  much  noise  you  couldnt  hear  it  an  it  always  came 
at  night  sos  you  couldnt  see  it  and  when  you 
smelled  it  it  was  most  to  late  to  bother  anyhow. 
I  been  thinkin  that  over.  Seems  to  me  theres 
a  joker  in  the  contract  somewhere.  Ask  your 
father  to  read  it  over  an  see  if  it  sounds  droit 
(thats  French  for  right)  to  him.  Better  still.  Ask 
Higgins  the  grocer  to  give  it  the  once  over.  Hes 
got  a  grand  tete  as  the  French  say  when  they  mean 
brains. 


"not  the  kind  your  father  has" 


"l   WEAR   THEM    EVERY   NIGHT  OVER    MY   UNIFORM" 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE      19 

Its  getting  frappayer  and  frappayer  down  here 
(meaning  colder  and  colder).  It  got  so  cold  that 
I  put  on  those  sox  that  you  nitted  me.  I  guess  I 
wont  any  more  though.  I  guess  my  feet  are  go- 
ing to  look  like  corderoy  the  rest  of  my  life.  YouU 
understand  no  hard  feelin  I  know.  You  know  how 
delicate  my  feet  Is  an  how  I  cant  afford  to  prennez 
a  hazard  with  them. 

Thank  your  mother  for  the  flannel  pajammas. 
I  wear  them  every  night  over  my  uniform.  I 
got  to  quit  now  an  read  some  pictur  post  cards 
that  some  girls  sent  me. 

Good  night 
(or  as  the  French  say  Robe  de  Nult), 


Dere  Mable: 

I  havnt  rote  for  some  time  because  I  been 
made  an  officer. — a  corperal.  I  admit  I  deserved 
it.  I  didn't  apply  for  it  or  nothin  though.  They 
just  come  and  told  me. 

Bein  corperal  means  I  dont  have  nothin  more 
to  do  with  details.  An  at  the  same  time  I  got 
more  details  than  ever.  Thats  a  sort  of  a  joke 
that  us  military  men  understand.  You  couldnt 
get  it  probably  Mable.    Its  tecknickle. 

Yesterday  being  Sunday  me  an  a  couple  of  other 
officers  borrowed  a  couple  of  mules  from  the  stable 
sargent  an  went  for  a  ride.  We  saw  a  cabin  that 
they  said  was  a  moonshiners  hut  but  it  was  broad 
daylight  so  you  couldnt  tell  of  course. 

Its  still  cold.  1  wish  theyd  hurry  up  and  issue 
those  gas  masks.  Theyd  come  in  handy  these  cold 
nights.  The  sargent  told  me  that  I  was  goin  to 
do  interior  guard  tonight.  I  guess  Im  lucky  to 
get  indoor  work  this  wether. 

You  never  saw  such  a  place  for  roomors.  These 
are  army  roomors.  They  havnt  got  nothin  to  do 
with  the  kind  your  mother  used  to  take  in.  We 
here  that  were  going  next  week  an  that  were  not 


I   BEEN    MADE   AN   OFFICER' 


"SOMEBODIED   SET   A   TRUNK  ON   THE  TX^IKY  ' 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE      21 

goin  at  all  but  were  goln  to  be  used  to  guard  the 
Chicago  stock  yards.  Then  we  here  that  all  the 
mounted  men  are  goln  to  be  dismounted  an  all  the 
dismounted  men  are  goin  to  be  mounted.  An  that 
the  rest  of  us  are  goin  to  be  made  cooks.  An  we 
here  that  all  non  coms  are  goin  to  be  abolished. 
Its  awful  hard  to  tell  what  is  goin  on. 

I  got  your  Thanksgivin  box  two  days  ago.  It 
was  only  ten  days  late.  I  guess  the  post  office 
must  have  made  some  mistake.  Things  is  usually 
later  than  that.  It  was  in  good  shape  except  that 
the  insides  had  been  squoze  out  of  the  mince  pie 
and  somebodied  set  a  trunk  on  the  turky.  Of 
course  I  divided  it  up  with  my  squad.  Big  hearted. 
Thats  me  all  over.  Im  awful  popular  with  my 
men.  They  offen  say  they  wish  Id  be  made  a 
Major  or  somethin.  My  men  ate  up  all  the 
stuff.  All  I  saved  for  my  self  was  the  white  meat 
an  half  a  mince  pie.  It  certainly  tastes  good  in 
the  field.  Of  course  we  aint  in  nobodies  field. 
Thats  a  military  expreshun.     I  cant  explain  it. 

I  got  to  quit  now  an  post  a  guard.  At  the  same 
time  111  post  this  letter  to  you.  Thats  a  joke, 
Mable.  Im  sorry  this  letter  cant  be  longer  but  as 
a  man  rises  in  the  army  he  gets  less  an  less  time 
to  hisself.     Olive  oil. 

Yours  faithlessly, 

Bill. 


Alon  Cherry  Mable: 

Thats  the  way  the  French  begin  there  love  let- 
ters. Its  perfectly  proper.  I  would  have  rote 
you  sooner  but  me  an  my  fountin  pens  been 
froze  for  a  week.  Washington  will  never  know 
how  lucky  he  was  that  he  got  assigned  to  valley 
Forge  instead  of  here.  It  got  us  out  of  drill  for 
a  couple  of  days.  Thats  somethin.  I  guess  Id 
rather  freeze  than  drill.  Its  awful  when  they 
make  you  do  both  though. 

Two  of  my  men  has  gone  home  on  furlos.  Me 
bein  corperal  I  took-  all  there  blankets.  The  men 
didnt  like  it  but  I  got  a  squad  of  men  to  look  out 
for  an  my  first  duty  is  to  keep  fit.  Duty  first. 
Thats  me  all  over.  I  got  so  many  blankets  now 
that  I  got  to  put  a  book  mark  in  the  place  I  get 
in  at  night  or  Id  never  find  it  again. 

We  spent  most  of  our  time  tryin  to  find  some- 
thin  to  burn  up  in  the  Sibly  stoves.  A  sibly  stove, 
Mable,  is  a  piece  of  stove  pipe  built  like  the  leg 
of  a  sailurs  trowsers.  Old  man  Sibly  must  have 
had  a  fine  mind  to  think  it  out  all  by  hisself.  They 
say  he  got  a  patent  on  it.  I  guess  that  must  have 
been  a  slack  winter  in  Washington.    The  govern- 


"built   like   the   leg  of   a   SAILURS  TROW3ER3  ' 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE      23 

ment  gives  us  our  wood  but  I  guess  that  the  man 
who  decided  how  much  it  was  goin  to  give  us 
had  an  office  in  the  Sandwitch  Islands.  I  says  the 
other  day  that  if  theyd  dip  our  allowance  in  fus- 
frus  wed  at  least  have  matches,  eh  Mable?  Im 
the  same  old  Bill,  Mable.  Crackin  jokes  an  keep- 
in  everybody  laffin  when  things  Is  blackest. 

I  was  scoutin  round  for  wood  today  an  burned 
up  those  military  hair  brushes  your  mother  gave 
me  when  we  came  away.  I  told  her  theyd  come 
in  mighty  handy  some  day. 

They  say  a  fello  tried  to  take  a  shouer  the  other 
day.  Before  he  could  get  out  it  froze  round  him. 
Like  that  fello  in  the  bible  who  turned  into  a  pillo 
of  salt.  They  had  to  break  the  v/hole  thing  offen 
the  pipe  with  him  inside  it  an  stand  it  in  front 
of  the  stove.  When  it  melted  he  finished  his 
shouer  an  said  he  felt  fine.  Thats  how  hard  were 
gettin,  Mable. 

I  bought  a  book  on  Minor  Tackticks  the  other 
day.  Thats  not  about  underaged  tacks  that  live 
on  ticks  as  you  might  suppose,  Mable.  Its  the 
cience  of  movin  bodies  of  men  from  one  place  to 
another.  I  thought  it  might  tell  of  some  way  of 
gettin  the  squad  out  of  bed  in  the  morning  but  it 
doesnt.  All  the  important  stuf?  like  that  is  camoo- 
flaged  SOS  the  Germans  wont  get  onto  it. 

Camooflage  is  not  a  new  kind  of  cheese  Mable. 


24  DERE  MABLE 

Its  a  military  term.     Camooflage  is  French  for 

cauliflower  which  is  a  disguised  cabbage.  It  is 
the  same  thing  as  puttin  powder  on  your  face  in- 
stead of  washin  it.  You  deceive  Germans  with 
it.  For  instance  you  paint  a  horse  black  and 
white  stripes  an  a  German  comes  along.  He  thinks 
its  a  picket  fence  an  goes  right  by.  Or  you  paint 
yourself  like  a  tree  an  the  Germans  come  an  drink 
beer  round  you  an  tell  military  sekruts. 

Well  I  guess  its  time  to  say  Mery  Xmas  now 
Mable.  I  guess  it  wont  be  a  very  Mery  Xmas 
withut  me  there,  eh?  Cheer  up  cause  Im  goin 
to  think  of  you  whenever  I  get  time  all  day 
long.  Im  pretty  busy  nowdays.  I  got  to  watch 
the  men  work.  It  keeps  a  fello  on  the  jump  all 
the  time.  I  like  it  though,  Mable.  Thats  me  all 
over.    Isnt  it? 

Dont  send  me  nothin  for  Christmas,  Mable.  I 
bought  somethin  for  you  but  Im  not  going  to  tell 
you  cause  its  a  surprize.  All  that  I  can  say  Is 
that  it  cost  me  four  eighty  seven  ($4.87)  which  is 
more  than  I  could  afford.  An  its  worth  a  lot 
more.  But  you  know  how  I  am  with  money.  A 
spend  drift.  So  dont  send  me  anything  please 
although  I  need  an  electric  flash  light,  some  cig- 
arets,  candy  an  one  of  them  sox  that  you  wear  on 
your  head.     Ill  spend  my  last  sent  on  anyone  I 


"you  paint  a  horse  black  and  white  stripes" 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE      25 

like  but  I  dont  want  to  be  under  no  obligations. 
Independent.    Thats  me  all  over. 

You  might  read  this  part  to  your  mother.     I 
dont  want  nothing  from  her  ether. 

Rite  soon   an  plain   Mable,   cause   I   dont  get 
much  chance  to  study. 

Yours  till  the  south  is  warm, 

Bill 
Your  mothers  present  cost  me  three  sev^enty  seven 
($3.77). 


Jolt  Dame: 

Dont  get  that  confused  with  Tinkers  Dam, 
Mable.  Tinkers  Dam  is  tecknickle  an  aint  even 
French.  I  wish  you  knew  more  about  these  forin 
languiges.  I  always  herd  a  fello  could  express 
himself  better  in  French  than  anything  else.  Thats 
because  nobody  can  understand  him  an  he  can 
say  anything  he  wants. 

The  Christmas  holidays  is  over.  I  spent  mine 
doin  Kitchen  police.  The  only  thing  what  pealed 
for  me  Christmas  morning  was  potatoes  an  the 
only  thing  what  rung  out  was  dish  cloths.  But  I 
guess  you  aint  familiar  enough  with  the  poets  to 
get  that,  Mable.  It  shows  that  I  can  be  funny  an 
bright  though  even  under  adversary  conditions. 
Kitchen  police  dont  explain  what  I  do  very  well. 
I  dont  walk  a  beet  or  carry  a  club  or  arrest  nobody 
or  nothin.  I  just — well  I  wish  that  hired  girl 
of  yours  could  come  down  an  do  Kitchen  police 
for  a  couple  of  days.  She  wouldnt  be  quitten  as 
regular  as  she  does. 

We  celebrated  Christmas  by  sleepin  till  a  quar- 
ter to  seven  instead  of  hap  past  six.  Only  they 
forgot  to  tell  the  fello  what  blows  the  horn  an  he 

26 


"l    SPENT    MINE    DOIN    KITCHEN    POLICE" 


"l   WISH   THAT   HIRED  GIRL  COULD  COME   DOWN" 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE      27 

blew  it  at  hap  past  six  anyway.  Imagine  if  any- 
body home  had  told  me  I  could  sleep  till  a  quar- 
ter of  seven  Christmas  morning.  I  guess  you  know 
what  Id  a  told  him,  eh,  Mable? 

Theres  a  fello  in  town  what  says  he'll  send  flow- 
ers anywhere  you  want  by  telegraph.  I  was  goin 
to  send  you  some  for  Christmas  morning.  Then 
I  figgered  it  was  a  silly  idea.  In  the  first  place 
theyd  get  all  smashed  on  the  way.  An  then  you 
cant  get  enough  flowers  in  one  of  them  little  en- 
velopes to  make  one  good  smell.  Nothin  if  net 
right.    Thats  me  all  over,  Mable. 

I  had  dinner  in  town  with  Max  Glocoses  moth- 
er. Hes  a  fello  in  our  tent.  Shes  a  nice  enough 
old  lady  but  she  aint  military,  Mable.  We  was 
walkin  down  the  street  before  dinner  an  salutin 
ofiicers  so  fast  it  looked  like  we  was  scratchin 
our  forheds.  An  every  time  we  saluted  she  bowed. 
I  didnt  say  nothin  cause  after  all  she  was  payin 
for  the  dinner.  Later  on  though  she  says,  "I 
think  its  fine  you  boys  has  made  so  many  friends 
among  the  officers  cause  I  think  there  such  nice 
men."  Can  you  beat  it  Mable?  An  when  she 
went  home  she  sent  Max  an  officers  hat  cord  cause 
she  said  she  didnt  think  it  would  fade  as  quick  as 
that  old  blue  thing  he  was  wearin. 

I  like  to  forgot  to  thank  you  for  the  Christmas 
presents  you  an  your  mother  sent.     Im  glad  you 


28  DERE  MABLE 

minded  what  I  said  about  not  wantin  nothin  al- 
though Id  sent  you  two  presents  what  was  worth 
more  than  I  could  afford  ($4.87).  As  I  said  to 
Joe  Loomis  who  was  in  the  tent  when  your  pres- 
ents came,  it  aint  what  the  thing  cost  or  wether 
you  could  ever  use  it  for  anything.  Its  the  thought. 
Sentiment  before  pleasure.  Thats  me  all  over, 
Mable. 

Thanks  for  the  red  sweter,  Mable.  We  aint 
allowed  to  use  them.  But  you  dont  want  to  feel 
bad  about  that  cause  I  got  lots  of  others  an  didnt 
need  it  anyway.  An  tell  your  mother  thanks  for 
the  preserves  an  cake.  I  think  thats  what  they 
was.  They  must  have  packed  them  between  a 
steam  roller  and  a  donkey  engin  from  the  looks. 
Joe  Loomis  picked  out  most  of  the  glass  an  tried 
some.  Hed  eat  anything,  that  fello,  Mable. 
He  said  it  must  have  been  pretty  good  when  it 
started.  Tell  that  to  your  mother.  I  know  it  will 
please  her. 

I  got  so  many  presents  from  other  girls  an  the 
like  that  its  kind  of  hard  to  remember  if  you  sent 
me  anything  else.  If  you  did  just  tell  me  in  your 
next  letter  and  111  thank  you  when  I  rite  again. 

I  hope  my  presents  arrived  all  right.  I  guess 
you'll  like  em.  You  ought  to  at  the  price.  As  I 
says  to  the  girl  what  sold  em  when  she  says  she 
didnt  have  nothin  cheaper  "Nothins  to  good  for 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE      2^ 

where    there    goin."      Isnt    that    tipical    of    me, 
Mable? 

Well,  Mable,  perhaps  next  year  111  send  you  a 
Dutch  helmit  maybe.  It  aint  no  use  wishin  you  a 
happy  New  Year  cause  I  know  how  itU  be  with 
me  away  an  your  father  what  he  is. 

Yours  regardless, 

Bill, 


Mon  Croquette: 

Thats  not  the  kind  with  the  evenin  dress  tooth 
pick  in  the  top,  Mable.  A  croquette  is  a  French 
society  woman.  Study  these  letters  of  mine  an 
see  how  I  use  the  words.  You  ought  to  be  able 
to  pick  up  enough  French  to  understand  me  talkin 
it  when  I  come  home. 

Well,  Mable,  New  Years  are  behind  us  again. 
Once  more  I  made  a  lot  of  revolushuns.  Its  no 
use  sayin  there  wasnt  nothin  for  me  to  change. 
Youre  prejudiced.  I  can  see  falts  where  others 
cant.  Underneath  a  plesant  exterior  I  am  made 
of  sterner  stuff,  as  the  poets  say.  I  have  gave 
up  frivolity  with  the  exception  of  goin  into  town 
once  in  a  while  to  take  a  bath.  Im  strong  for  this 
sanity  stuff  under  any  conditions. 

Im  makin  a  study  of  war.  Im  goin  to  tell  you 
a  sekrut.  Im  workin  on  a  plan  to  end  the  war.  I 
got  thinkin,  as  I  will,  an  it  struck  me  that  no  one 
had  gone  into  this  at  all.  There  all  figurin  how 
to  go  on  with  it  but  none  of  em  how  to  quit  it. 
Dont  say  nothin  till  I  get  it  worked  out.  I  guess 
you  always  knew  youd  here  from  me  when  I  [^ot 
goin,  eh  Mable? 

30 


A   CROQUETTE    L9    A    P1ENCH    SOaETY   WOMAN" 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE     31 

I  also  resolved  not  to  put  off  till  tomorrow 
what  I  can  do  today.  (Old  motto.)  For  instance 
if  X  can  get  out  of  a  fatigue  today  whats  the  use 
of  waitin  till  tomorrow.  The  same  with  sleepin 
and  restin. 

I  cut  out  cigarets  to.  I  was  gettin  to  be  a 
feend.  Got  so  I  had  to  lite  one  whenever  I  got 
thinkin.  I  was  usin  up  most  a  package  a  day. 
Nervous  an  high  strung.  Thats  me  all  over,  Mable. 
I  smoke  cigars  an  a  pipe  instead.  A  fello  with 
an  active  mind  has  got  to  have  somethin.  You 
remember  what  the  fello  what  trained  the  high 
school  show  said  when  he  saw  me  act.  Tempera- 
ture. Thats  me.  Of  course  its  harder  to  borrow 
pipe  tobacco  and  cigars  but  Im  tryin  to  show  the 
fellos  how  bad  cigarets  is.  Pretty  soon  111  be  all 
O.K.  again. 

I  got  that  watch  your  father  sent  me  for  a  New 
Years  present.  Tell  him  thanks  very  much  an 
not  to  feel  bad  because  he  forgot  to  send  me  a 
Christmas  present  cause  this  wipes  out  the  debt 
entirely.  He  said  it  was  a  military  watch  an  the 
latest  thing  out.  I  guess  they  call  it  a  military 
watch  cause  it  works  two  hours  and  stops  four. 
Its  the  latest  thing  round  here.  If  I  answered 
call  by  that  watch  Id  be  fallin  in  for  retreat  round 
taps.    Its  so  slow  it  cant  stop  quick. 

I  got  the  blacksmith  over  at  headquarters  com- 


32  DERE  MABLE 

pany  workin  on  it  now.  Hes  an  awful  good  man. 
He  was  a  plumber  in  civilian  life.  Thats  why 
they  made  him  a  blacksmith  when  he  joined  the 
army.  He  says  hes  goin  to  fix  it  sos  111  never 
be  bothered  with  it  again. 

I  got  asked  to  a  dinner  New  Years  night.  I 
sat  next  to  a  Colonels  wife.  It  was  kind  of  em- 
barassing  at  first.  I  put  her  easy  though.  I  says 
whose  that  funny  lookin  old  bird  sittin  across  the 
room  with  a  head  like  an  egg.  Hes  very  chic  Isnt 
he?  (Thats  a  French  joke  Mable.)  She  says 
*'Thats  my  husband."  As  soon  as  Id  stopped 
laffin  I  started  right  in  an  told  her  the  history  of 
every  man  in  the  company  beginnin  with  the  As. 
You  know  me  when  I  get  started.  I  didnt  give 
her  no  chanst  to  get  embarassed.  When  she  start- 
ed to  say  somethin  I  just  kept  right  on  talkin  just 
to  show  her  that  bein  a  Colonels  wife  she  wasnt 
expected  to  make  no  effort. 

I  made  good,  Mable.  I  guess  you  kno  I  would. 
After  dinner  I  heard  her  ask  somebody  who  in- 
vited me.  Then  she  said  somethin  like  "Hed  ought 
to  be  known  better."  Never  miss  a  chance.  Thats 
me  all  over.  It  may  mean  promoshun  or  any- 
thing. It  may  be  that  shell  have  me  sent  to  Fort 
Silly  to  learn  somethin.    You  cant  tell. 

I  cant  think  of  anything  more  that  you  would 
understand.    Dont  show  these  letters  to  kno  one. 


I   SAT   NEXT  TO   A   COLONELS   WIFB' 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE      33 

There  is  to  many  spize  around.  I  suppose  you 
are  awful  lonesome  without  me.  I  dont  get  much 
time  to  be  lonesome  what  with  drillin  an  goin  out 
somewhere.  As  soon  as  things  get  shook  down  a 
bit  I  hope  to  get  more  time  to  miss  you.  Hows 
your  fathers  liver? 

Au  Riviere, 

Bill, 


Mon  Ami: 

Sounds  like  a  scourin  pouder,  doesnt  it,  Mable? 
As  a  matter  of  fact  its  the  way  a  French  lady 
talks  to  a  fello  shes  awful  fond  of. 

im  not  an  officer  any  more.  I  was  just  goin 
to  resine  anyways.  The  Captins  been  watchin 
me  rise  an  he  didnt  like  it.  He  knew  I  knew  more 
than  him  as  well  as  me.  Always  askin  me  ques- 
tions. Id  always  tell  him  cause  I  knew  he  had  a 
wife  and  children  in  Jersey  City  an  so  I  was 
sorry  for  them.  Soft.  Thats  me  all  over.  But 
the  other  day  when  I  was  on  guard  he  says,  "Cor- 
peral,  whats  the  General  orders?"  an  I  says, 
"Captin  if  you  dont  kno  them  now  you  never 
will  and  I  wouldnt  be  doin  no  service  to  my  coun- 
try if  I  told  you."  Cold  but  civil,  Mable.  You  kno 
how  I  can  be. 

The  Captin  just  felt  cheap  an  walked  away. 
I  kind  of  felt  sorry  for  him.  Almost  told  him  so 
once  or  twice.  Then  I  went  on  guard  again.  I 
go  on  guard  a  lot.  The  men  like  me  to  be  cor- 
peral  of  the  guard  because  when  the  relief  goes 
out  I  take  all  their  blankets  an  go  right  to  sleep  in- 
stead of  standin  outside  an  watchin  them  freeze. 

34 


"men  hate  to  be  watched  while  they  are  freezin" 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE      35 

Men  hate  to  be  watched  while  they  are  freezin. 

But  I  happened  to  be  outside  for  some  reason, 
goin  to  dinner  I  guess,  an  I  saw  the  Colonel  com- 
ing. I  says  "Turn  out  the  guard."  (No  one 
really  turns  em  out,  Mable.  They  come  out 
themselves.)  The  Colonel  sees  who  it  is  an  waves 
an  says  "Never  mind  the  guard,  Corperal."  So 
I  thanks  him  an  goes  back  to  the  company  an 
goes  to  bed. 

As  soon  as  the  Captin  sees  that  the  Colonel  is 
savin  me  up  for  over  there  he  gets  sore.  His 
plan  has  been  to  kill  me  before  we  left  here.  He 
said  he  was  goin  to  reduce  me.  Thats  not  the 
same  way  your  father  reduces  when  he  cuts  out 
beer  with  his  meals  an  sits  in  a  Turkish  all  day. 
I  never  said  you  will  or  you  wont.  Just  waited 
till  he  got  outside  an  thumbed  my  nose  at  him. 
High  spirited.   Thats  me  all  over. 

An  English  officer  came  over  the  other  day  an 
told  us  all  about  the  war.  He  didnt  quite  finish 
it  cause  he  only  had  three  quarters  of  an  hour. 
They  was  quite  a  few  things  I  didnt  kno  even  at 
that.  He  said  that  the  heavy  artillery  was  com- 
manded by  the  C.C.O.D.A.  an  the  light  artillery 
by  the  C.O.A  An  theres  a  special  N.C.O. 
♦vho  has  nothin  to  do  but  look  after  the^ 
S.A.A.  Just  imagine,  Mable.  I  wish  Id 
studied  chemistree  more  when  I  was  in  school. 


36  DERE  MABLE 

It  would  make  things  a  lot  easier  for  me  now. 
Then  he  said  that  a  man  always  got  into  his  O.O. 
to  observe  the  action  of  the  75s.  These  English 
are  always  great  for  dress  an  that  formal  stuff. 

Im  glad  there  tellin  us  this  before  we  go  over. 
It  would  have  been  awful  embarassing  to  have 
tried  to  observe  the  action  of  the  75s  in  my 
B.V.Ds.  I  asked  him  if  they  had  any  trouble  with 
the  B.P.O.Es.  When  he  left  he  said  "Cheero." 
Without  winkin  a  hair  I  says  "Beevo."  Same  old 
Bill,  eh  Mable? 

They  said  the  other  day  that  my  name  was  on 
a  list  to  go  to  school  an  learn  all  about  liason. 
I  said  there  wasnt  much  use  in  there  doin  that 
cause  I  was  pretty  well  up  on  that  stuff.  At  home, 
I  says,  I  had  a  reputashun  for  a  devil  with  the 
wimen.  Nobody  knows  better  than  you,  eh 
Mable?  I  guess  thats  a  little  over  your  head 
though,  Mable.  I  try  to  be  as  simple  as  I  can. 
If  Im  not  just  tell  me. 

Im  ritin  this  letter  with  my  shoes  off.  I  hope 
youll  excuse  my  bein  so  informal  but  Im  havin  the 
old  trouble  with  my  feet.  They  never  been  right 
since  that  winter  I  taught  you  to  dance.  I  went 
to  the  doctor  with  them  an  he  said  to  keep  offen 
them  as  much  as  I  could.  So  they  put  me  to  work 
scrubbin  the  mess  shack  on  my  bans  and  nees. 
I  bet  if  a  fello  had  both  legs  shot  off  theyd  prop 


'l    HAD    A    REPUTA»HXJN    FOR    A    DEVIL   WITH    THE    WIMEN" 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE      37 

you  up  against  the  wall  an  put  you  peelin  onions. 

I  got  to  quit  now.  They  got  a  thing  called  re- 
treat they  have  every  night.  I  always  like  to  be 
there  just  to  show  the  Captin  Im  behind  him  re- 
gardless. 

Im  sendin  you  my  pictur  in  a  uniform  pointin 
to  an  American  flag.  Its  kind  of  simbolical  the 
man  said,  if  you  know  what  that  is.  I  thought 
youd  like  to  put  it  on  the  mantle  in  a  conspikuous 
place  SOS  to  have  somethin  to  be  proud  of  when 
your  girl  friend  comes  in  to  talk.  Id  ask  you  for 
your  pictur  only  I  havnt  got  much  room  for  that 
kind  of  thing  down  here. 

yours  exclusively 

Bill. 


Dere  Mahle: 

Everyone  round  here  is  goln  to  school  now  so 
they  can  be  speshulists.  Not  the  kind  your  mother 
goes  to,  Mable.  A  speshulist  only  does  one  thing. 
I  been  doin  everything  round  here  ever  since  I 
came.  I  was  gettin  sick  of  it.  I  went  to  the  top 
sargent  an  says  I  guessed  Id  be  a  speshulist  to. 
He  said  all  right  he'd  make  me  a  food  speshulist. 
Said  Id  have  to  go  into  it  pretty  deep.  I  been 
into  it  up  to  my  elbows  in  the  kitchen  ever  since. 
Never  trust  sargents.  Least  of  all  top  sargents. 
If  it  keeps  on  like  this  there  wont  be  nobody  to  do 
the  actual  fightin  but  me,  Mable.  Its  too  much 
responsibilety  for  one  man.  Suppose  I  was  to  get 
sick  or  somethin. 

An  then  a  bunch  of  fellos  went  away  to  lern  to 
be  officers.  That  kind  of  struck  my  fancy  it  bein 
about  the  only  thing  I  hadnt  done  round  here. 
I  went  to  the  Captin  an  told  him  I  thought  Id  go 
to.  He  said  I  could  go  to,  and  then  he  added 
somethin. 

He  said  a  company  was  built  up  somethin  like 
a  man.  There  was  the  brain,  which  was  the  offi- 
cers, and  then  some  was  the  muscle  an  some  was 

38 


"it  seemed  to  depres  them  awful" 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE     39 

the  bone.  He  said  I  seemed  to  be  pretty  well  fit- 
ted for  my  part  by  nature  so  he  wouldnt  change 
me.  Ive  always  been  strong  ever  since  I  was  a  kid, 
Mable. 

Ive  .rote  a  pome.  I  sent  it  to  the  Divisun  pa- 
per. They  wouldnt  print  it  cause  they  said  it  was 
so  real  that  it  might  depres  the  men.  I  guess  they 
was  right  cause  I  read  it  to  the  fellos  in  the  tent  an 
it  seemed  to  depres  them  awful.  Im  ritin  it  to 
you.  Its  about  the  war.  YouU  probably  notice 
that  yourself  if  you  read  it  careful.     Here  it  is. 


Here  the  thunder  of  the  guns 
Smashin  down  the  German  Huns 
An  the  sticky  pools  of  gory  blood 
Soakin  up  the  oozie  sod 
The   rushin,  roarin,   shreekin  boom 
Of  bullets  crashin  thru  the  gloom 

JI 

Listen  to  those  grate  bums  bust 
On  the  quiverin  Hunnish  crust 
Listen  to  the  shreekin,  moanin, 
Swearin,  yellin,  gruntin,  groanin 
That  comes  to  us  across  the  trenches 
All  mixed  up  with  grusome  stenches 


40  DERE  MABLE 

III 

Biff,  an  from  there  hellish  lare 

The  shreeks  of  Germans  rent  the  air. 

Bloody  lims  lie  on  the  ground. 

Bits  of  Huns  go  flyin  round. 

Bang!  And  through  the  cannons  roar 

Is  plainly  herd  the  splashin  gore. 

IV 

But  this  cannot  go  on  for  long, 
Cause  Uncle  Sam  is  comin  strong. 
And  when  we  charge  the  German  line 
We'll  chuck  the  dam  thing  in  the  Rine. 
An  blood  an  slauter,  rape  an  gore 
In  Bel  Le  France  will  rain  no  more. 

Aint  that  terrible,  Mable?  I  read  it  to  one  fello 
an  he  said  it  made  him  absolutely  sick.  He  said 
he  didn't  see  how  I  could  rite  it  without  gettin 
sick  myself.  Just  between  me  and  you  Mable  I 
did  come  pretty  near  being  once  or  twice  when  I 
was  ritin  it. 

Most  of  all  thats  confidential  but  I  dont  care  if 
you  read  it  to  some  of  your  friends  just  to  give  em 
a  good  idea  of  what  war  is.  Some  of  the  things 
aint  very  nice  of  course.     If  your  ritin  big  stuff 


"if  I  CATCH  ONE  OF  THOSE  AILIN  ENEMIES  WINDIN  W  YOXJR  VICTROLA 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE     41 

though  you  got  to  put  in  everything  that  comes  into 
your  head  or  else  you  lose  the  punch.  I  think  the 
ends  the  best.  A  lot  of  fellos  has  said  that.  We 
ought  to  have  more  of  that.      It  gets  the  slackers. 

The  Rine  is  a  German  river  where  they  make 
wine   near   Berlin,    Mable. 

You  keep  menshuning  a  fello  named  Broggins 
in  your  letters.  Now  I  aint  got  a  spark  of  jelusy 
in  my  nature.  Big.  Thats  me  all  over,  Mable. 
But  I  warn  you  frankly.  If  I  ever  catch  one  of 
those  ailin  enemies  windin  up  your  victrola  111  kick 
him  out  of  the  house.  Thats  only  fair.  It  isn't 
that  I  care  a  snap.  Theres  plenty  of  girls  waitin 
for  me.      Its  just  the  principul  of  the  thing. 

Dont  think  for  a  minit  that  I  care.  I  just 
menshun  it  cause  I  couldnt  think  of  nothin  else 
to  say. 

Yours  till  you  here  otherwise, 

Bill. 


Pom  de  mon  oie: 

You  say  that  like  ole  yoy  In  Yiddish.  It  means 
apple  of  my  eye.  I  never  saw  an  apple  In  no- 
body's eye,  Mable,  but  I  guess  thats  some  French 
custom. 

Great  news,  Mable.  A  fello  whats  got  a  friend 
in  the  audience  department  in  Washington  just 
told  me  the  wars  goln  to  end  about  the  15th  of 
Feb.  Dont  say  nothin  to  nobody  about  it.  It 
might  look  as  if  I  was  gettin  mixed  up  in  politiks. 
I  put  In  for  a  furlo  on  the  5  th  tho.  Then  I  wont 
have  to  come  back,  eh  Mable?  Ill  bet  your  glad. 
Its  great  to  think  of  gettin  into  a  place  where  you 
cant  see  through  the  walls  and  there  aint  three 
Inches  of  mud  on  the  floor.  An  think  of  not  havin 
to  tie  the  doors  together  when  you  come  In  or 
crawl  underneath  em  on  your  bans  and  nees  and 
not  havin  to  put  everything  you  own  in  the  world 
under  the  bed.  But  I  guess  you  dont  care  as  much 
about  these  things  as  I  will. 

This  would  be  a  good  trainin  camp  for  artik 
explorers.  I  bet  the  fello  that  picks  out  the  camps 
ether  owns  a  cold  storage  plant  in  civil  life  or  else 
they  do  it  by  mail  order.     It  got  so  cold  the  other 

42 


'stuck  my  head  out  of  the  blankets" 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE      43 

night  the  silver  in  the  thermometer  disappeared. 
It  aint  been  seen  since. 

We  got  a  comical  guy  in  the  tent.  Bill  Hug- 
gins.  Me  and  hims  a  pair.  Keep  everybody  laffin 
all  the  time.  Bill  likes  things  hot  about  as  well  as 
me.  Every  nite  he  fills  the  Sibly  stove  so  full  of 
wood  that  he  has  to  hammer  the  last  piece  in. 
It  gets  so  hot  that  it  jumps  up  and  down  like  a 
mad  monkey.  Thats  the  way  Siblys  do  when  they 
get  awful  hot.  Were  not  bothered  by  that  much 
though. 

We  got  another  guy  thats  a  fresh  air  feend. 
His  name  is  Angus  MacKenzie.  Hes  Scotch.  Hes 
so  close  himself  that  he  has  to  have  lots  of  air 
or  hed  smother.  Every  nite  he  pulls  up  the  side 
of  the  tent  by  his  bed.  No  one  likes  fresh  air  in 
its  place  better  than  me,  Mable,  but  when  its  as 
fresh  as  this  air  is  its  place  is  outside. 

I  wake  up  in  the  nite  rolled  into  a  ball  like  a 
porkypine.  Theys  things  in  the  middle  of  my 
back  like  his  stickers.  If  I  dont  move  I  get  cramps. 
If  I  do,  I  freeze.  All  around  the  place  where 
Im  lyin  is  as  warm  as  a  park  bench  in  winter. 
Sometimes  I  forget  and  push  my  feet  down.  That's 
awful. 

One  night  I  thought  I  heard  the  horn  and  stuck 
my  head  out  of  the  blankets.  It  was  Angus  with 
his  head  and  one  arm  outside  snorin.     Can  you 


44  DERE  MABLE 

beat  that.  I  bet  he  swims  In  the  ice  all  winter 
home  and  has  his  pictur  in  the  Sunday  paper.  I 
froze  my  ear  before  I  could  get  my  head  back. 
Thats  the  kind  of  a  fello  he  is. 

Its  awful  cold  In  the  mornin.  They  blow  three 
calls.  The  first  Is  just  for  the  slow  guys.  I  can 
make  it  nice  from  the  march  if  I  dont  take  too 
many  close  off.  Thats  no  temtashun.  One  guy 
jumps  up  just  before  assembly  and  makes  a  lot  of 
fuss  like  hes  gettin  dressed.  He  dont  fool  no- 
body. The  only  thing  he  takes  off  at  nite  is  his 
hat.  Some  says  that  falls  off  when  he  gets  into 
bed. 

Angus  gets  up  every  mornin  In  his  BVDs.  I 
think  his  skin  Is  furllned.  You  can  hear  him 
smashin  the  Ice  In  the  pale  with  a  hair  brush  out- 
side. Then  you  can  tell  hes  washin  by  the  noise 
he  makes  like  a  busted  steam  pipe.  Then  he 
comes  smashin  Into  the  tent  leavin  the  door  open 
and  wipes  the  Ice  offen  his  face  with  somebody  elses 
towel  an  says  gosh  thats  great.  I  hate  that  kind  of 
a  fello. 

Bill  Hugglns  cleaned  the  stove  with  his  towel 
last  week  sos  everything  would  be  neet  for  in- 
specshun.  Angus  got  hold  of  it  in  the  dark  next 
mornin.     Gee,  youd  haft  laft,  Mable. 

I  got  the  little  tin  mirror  you  sent,  Mable. 
Its  unbreakable  all  right.     Bill  Hugglns  got  so 


WmEN  I  LOOJCED  IM  THE  TIK  MIlUtOR  I  THOUGHT  I  WAS  STARVIN 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE      45 

mad  at  it  he  tried  to  break  it  and  couldnt.  The 
first  time  I  looked  in  it  I  got  an  awful  start.  I 
thought  I  was  starvin.  I  looked  like  one  of  them 
picturs  of  hungry  Indiens  that  the  mishunaries 
show  you  just  before  they  pass  the  plate.  Bill 
Huggins  swiped  it  later  and  says  why  didnt  some- 
body tell  him  he  was  gettin  so  fat  cause  he  couldnt 
go  home  on  a  furlo  like  that.  He  didnt  eat  nothin 
for  three  meals  and  then  he  looked  at  hisself 
with  the  mirror  turned  the  other  way.  Its  like 
one  of  those  Coney  Island  places  where  a  fello 
can  go  in  and  laff  at  hisself  for  a  dime.  Next 
time  send  me  one  that  will  break. 

I  got  to  quit  now  and  buy  a  couple  of  pies  be- 
fore I  go  to  bed.  I  dont  sleep  good  less  I  have 
a  little  somethin  on  my  stummick.  Dont  say  noth- 
in about  what  I  told  you  in  the  beginnin. 

Until  the  15th  Feb.  then. 

Yours  faithfully, 

Bill. 


Dere  Mahle: 

The  Captin  aint  goln  to  give  me  my  furlo.  Says 
theres  an  order  out  against  it.  Someones  got  it 
in  for  me,  Mable.  I  bought  a  wooley  coat  awful 
cheap  from  Bill  Huggins.  Right  away  theres  an 
order  against  em.  Angus  MacKenzie  sold  me  a 
pair  of  leather  leggins  for  less  than  he  paid  for 
them.  Some  bargain  from  Angus.  The  next  day 
they  issue  an  order  that  you  cant  wear  em.  Now 
they  hear  I  want  to  go  home  an  put  an  order  out 
against  it.  If  theyd  only  come  right  out  an  say 
Bill  Smith  were  goin  to  get  you.  Sneaky.  Thats 
what  I  call  it,  Mable. 

Ive  half  a  mind  to  transfer  back  to  the  artillery. 
If  I  transfer  much  more  theyll  be  chargin  me  extra 
fare,  eh  Mable?  Only  for  me  an  the  Captin  not 
bein  able  to  agree  Id  never  have  left.  I  under- 
stand hes  been  awful  sorry  since.  All  you  have 
to  do  in  artillery  is  to  put  a  bullet  in  the  gun.  It 
does  the  rest.  In  the  infantry  you  got  to  go  up 
and  do  all  the  dirty  work  yourself. 

Besides  Im  gettin  leery  of  these  infantry  fellos. 
There  always  talking  about  what  were  goin  to  do 
to  the  Germans,  blowin  em  to  pieces  and  slicln  em 

46 


THEY   COME    ROUND   AND   WATCH   YOU   EAT  IT  ' 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE      47 

up  an  throwln  em  all  around  the  lot.  I  got  thinkin 
what  if  the  Germans  was  learnin  there  men  to 
do  the  same  thing.  They  never  seem  to  figger  on 
these  things. 

An  these  baynuts,  Mable.  They  aint  safe. 
When  you  get  a  lot  of  fellos  in  a  trench  with  there 
baynuts  stickin  every  which  way  some  ones  goin 
to  get  hurt  sure. 

I  got  those  cigars  your  father  sent  me.  Thank 
him  an  tell  him  if  he  ever  gets  takin  like  that 
again  not  to  send  such  a  large  box  but — well  you 
explain  it  to  him  Mable.  You  can  do  that  sort 
of  thing  much  better  than  I  can.  Outspoken. 
Thats  me   all  over,   Mable. 

Why  is  it  that  no  matter  how  fussy  a  fello  was 
when  he  wore  a  vest  as  soon  as  he  begins  to  call 
a  coat  a  blouze  no  one  thinks  he  knows  whats 
what.  If  you  got  any  old  magazenes  what  was 
old  before  the  war  started  send  em  to  the  sol- 
diers. They  wont  know  the  difference.  Some 
wimen  sent  our  regiment  the  Baptist  Review  for 
three  years  back.  That  aint  right,  Mable.  They 
give  you  candy  that  comes  by  the  bale.  Then  they 
come  round  an  watch  you  eat  it.  I  bet  if  you 
walked  into  there  place  an  watched  them  eat  they'd 
raise  an  awful  holler.  They  make  speeches  to 
you  that  youd  get  your  money  back  without  askin 


48  DERE  MABLE 

up  north.  They  give  you  free  movies  thats  so  old 
they  look  as  if  they  was  taken  in  the  rain. 

It  seems  like  feedin  the  hippo  at  the  zoo,  Mable. 
It  dont  matter  so  much  as  long  as  theres  lots  of  it. 
Im  goin  into  town  tonite  with  a  bunch  to  eat  a 
swell  dinner  on  a  china  plate.  All  but  Angus  Mac- 
Kenzie.  He  eats  all  his  dinners  on  me.  Im  aw- 
ful sick  of  eatin  out  of  a  tin  fryin  pan.  When 
you  put  food  in  it  it  folds  up  like  a  jacknife  goin 
the  wrong  way.  It  takes  months  to  make  a  good 
mess  kit  eater. 

We  get  our  mess  from  some  fellos  what  stands 
behind  a  counter.  One  of  them  divides  the  coffee. 
He  does  it  by  puttin  half  in  your  cup  an  half  on 
your  thumb.  The  other  fellos  has  big  spoons. 
I  guess  they  are  old  Lacross  players.  A  big  wad 
of  food  hits  your  plate  splash  an  knocks  it  squee 
gee.  The  other  fello  hits  the  other  plate  an  knocks 
it  the  other  way.  When  you  get  it  all  its  runnin 
out  of  one  dish  up  your  sleeve  an  out  of  the  other 
back  into  the  food  pans. 

Army  food  always  runs.  Cooks  love  loose 
grub.  There  awful  stupid.  If  theres  anything 
solid  you  get  It  in  the  pan  with  the  rim  on  it.  Then 
they  pour  the  soup  on  your  cover. 

When  you  sit  down  half  what  you  got  left  spills 
out  on  the  table.  It  isnt  so  bad  now  cause  every- 
thing freezes  about  as  soon  as  it  hits. 


"army  food  always  runs" 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE      49 

You  ought  to  see  us  eat  breakfast,  Mable.  We 
got  so  many  overcoats  and  things  on  that  a  fello 
dont  get  no  elbow  action.  Some  fellos  eats  with 
there  wool  gloves.  That  aint  a  good  scheme 
though.  It  makes  things  taste  like  eatin  peaches 
with  there  skins  on. 

The  fello  that  invented  our  eatin  tables  must 
have  been  a  supplv  sargent  once.  All  the  seats 
is  nailed  to  the  table.  When  you  get  a  spoonful 
of  loose  food  up  some  fello  puts  his  foot  in  your 
lap  and  leaves  a  couple  of  pounds  of  mud  there. 
I  just  brush  it  off  tho  on  the  next  fello.  Never 
complain.     Thats  me  all  over. 

Well  Mable  I  got  to  shine  my  shoes  now  and 
go  and  eat  offen  china  plates  with  a  nigger  waiter. 
I  don't  eat  with  a  nigger  waiter,  Mable.  Its  awful 
hard  to  explain  things  to  you  sometimes.  So  now 
I  will  close 

Hoping  you  are  the  same 

Bill. 


Dere  Mable: 

I  been  thinkin  of  you  a  lot  durin  the  last  weak, 
Mable,  bavin  nothin  else  to  do.  I  been  In  the 
hospital  with  the  Bronxitis.  I  guess  I  caught  it 
from  Joe  Loomis.  He  comes  from  there.  Id 
have  rote  you  in  bed  but  I  dropped  my  fountin 
pen  on  the  floor  an  bent  it.     Im  all  right  now. 

I  got  some  news  for  you,  Mable.  The  cook 
says  we  only  drew  ten  days  supply  of  food  last 
time.  He  says  he  guesses  when  we  et  that  up 
well  go  to  France.  Hes  an  awful  smart  fello  the 
cook.  Hes  got  a  bet  on  that  if  the  allys  dont  buck 
up  an  win  the  Germans  is  comin  out  ahead.  Max 
Glucos,  a  fello  in  the  tent,  is  refere.  Were  all 
eatin  as  fast  as  we  can.  Perhaps  we  can  eat  it  all 
in  less  than  ten  days.  So  maybe  well  be  gone, 
Mable,  before  I  rite  you  from  here  again. 

Theres  a  French  sargent  comes  round  once  in 
a  while  an  says  the  war  is  goin  to  be  over  quick. 
He  ought  to  know  cause  hes  been  over  there  an 
seen  the  whole  thing.  He  smokes  cigarets  some- 
thing awful  an  dont  say  much.  Thats  because  the 
poor  cus  cant  talk  much  English,  It  must  be  awful 
not  to  talk  English.     Think  of  not  being  able  to 

.so 


"he  smokes  cigarets  something  awful" 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE      51 

say  nothin  all  your  life  without  wavin  your  arms 
round  an  then  lookln  it  up  in  a  dickshunary. 

I  feel  so  sorry  for  these  fellos  that  Im  studiin 
French  a  lot  harder  sos  theyll  have  someone  to 
talk  to  when  we  get  over  there.  Im  readin  a  book 
now  thats  rote  all  in  French.  No  English  in  it 
anywhere,  Mable.  A  fello  told  me  that  was  the 
only  way  to  talk  it  good.  I  dont  understand  it 
very  well  so  far.  The  only  way  I  kno  its  French 
is  by  the  picturs.  Some  day  Im  goin  to  find  out 
what  the  name  is.  Then  Im  goin  to  get  the  Eng- 
lish of  it.  Those  are  some  picturs.  Aint  I  fierce, 
Mable?  I  guess  thats  why  I  get  on  with  wimen 
so  well. 

I  gave  up  readin  it  out  loud  cause  the  fellos 
said  it  made  em  think  they  was  in  Paris  so  much 
they  got  restless.  I  cant  speak  no  better  yet.  I 
guess  that  comes  all  at  once  at  the  end  of  the 
book. 

As  soon  as  we  got  the  hot  shouers  all  fixed  the 
pipes  busted.  So  the  other  day  the  Captin  walked 
us  all  in  town  to  take  a  bath.  I  didnt  need  one 
much.  I  used  my  head  more  than  most  of  em. 
Last  fall  when  it  was  warm  I  took  as  many  as  two 
a  week  an  got  away  ahead  of  the  game.  I  went 
along  though.      More  for  the  walk  than  anything. 

I  saw  the  Captin  didnt  make  no  move  to  take 
a  bath  hisself.     I  thought  he  might  be  shy.     He 


52  DERE  MABLE 

dont  mix  very  well  with  the  fellos.  I  felt  sorry 
for  him.  Everyone  else  was  laffin  an  throwin 
things  with  him  standin  off  an  noone  throwin  a 
thing  at  him.  I  went  up  an  says  "Aint  you  goin  to 
take  a  bath  this  winter  to,  Captin?"  Just  jolly, 
Mable,  thats  all.  I  says,  "You  dont  want  to  mind 
the  bunch.  They  dont  care  a  bit.  There  as  dirty 
as  you  are  anyway.  Probably  more."  An  I  bet 
they  were  Mable  cause  I  aint  seen  the  Captin  do 
a  stroke  of  work  since  we  come  here.  Just  stands 
round  givin  orders. 

I  says,  "If  noone  wont  lend  you  a  towel  you  can 
use  mine.  I  was  just  goin  to  have  it  washed  any- 
way." He  got  awful  red  and  embarassed  Mable. 
I  thought  he  was  goin  to  choke.    Hes  awful  queer. 

Just  like  the  other  mornin  he  calls  me  over  an 
says,  "Smith,  my  orderlies  sick.  You  can  shine 
my  boots  this  mornin."  He  said  it  like  Id  been 
beggin  him  to  for  a  month.  An  then  he  says, 
"Smith  you  can  lite  the  fire  in  my  stove."  He  had 
me  thinkin  he  was  doin  me  favors.  He  said  I 
might  put  some  oil  on  his  boots  if  I  wished.  I 
says  that  would  be  a  great  treat  an  I  wished  he 
wouldnt  be  so  kind  or  the  fellos  would  think  he 
was  playin  favorites.  I  guess  he  didnt  here  me 
Mable  cause  hed  just  gone  out.  I  said  it  any- 
way. I  didnt  care  if  he  wasnt  there.  Spunky. 
Thats  me  all  over. 


"l  POURED  SOME   OIL  OUT  OF   HIS  LAMP" 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE      53 

I  couldnt  find  no  oil  for  his  boots  anywhere, 
Mable,  so  I  poured  some  out  of  his  lamp.  An 
then  I  dont  think  that  suited  him.  Queer  f  ello  the 
Captin. 

I  keep  herein  more  about  this  fello  Broggins, 
I  suppose  he  belongs  to  the  Home  Guards  an 
wares  his  uniform  round  in  the  evenin.  An  I  sup- 
pose he  has  an  American  flag  on  his  ritin  paper. 
It  dont  mean  nothin  in  my  life.  I  aint  goin  to 
put  up  no  arguments  or  get  nasty  like  most  fellos 
would.  Dignity.  Thats  me  all  over,  Mable.  Let 
me  tell  you  though  if  I  ever  come  home  and  find 
him  shinin  his  elbos  on  the  top  of  your  baby  grand 
111  kick  him  down  the  front  steps  if  I  only  have 
one  leg  to  do  it  with. 

Im  ritin  this  in  the  Y.M.C.A.  in  the  afternoon 
cause  Im  goin  on  guard  tonite.  I  dont  see  why 
they  dont  make  it  a  permenant  detail  and  be  done 
with  it.  Someone  said  the  top  sargents  a  man 
of  one  idea.  I  guess  Im  the  idea.  I  didnt  go  out 
to  drill  this  afternoon.  I  didnt  say  nothin  to  the 
sargent  though  cause  sargents  have  an  idea  that 
if  they  dont  get  a  lot  of  fellos  to  go  out  to  drill 
with  them  they  dont  look  popular.  I  got  to  go 
now  SOS  to  get  in  my  tent  before  they  come  from 
drill.  As  ever 

on  guard, 

Bill. 


Dere  Mable: 

I  would  have  rote  sooner  but  I  had  such  a  cold 
I  couldnt  say  nothin  for  most  a  weak. 

Well  Mable,  we  et  all  the  food  like  the  cook 
said  but  we  aint  in  France  yet.  I  guess  he  aint 
got  as  many  brains  as  he  said  he  had.  Everyone 
is  sore  at  him  cause  we  didnt  kick  at  none  of  his 
food  for  more  than  a  weak  thinkin  that  when  wed 
et  it  all  wed  go  away.  He  thinks  its  funny  an 
says  "Do  youse  guys  think  this  war  is  a  Cooks 
tour?  I  hate  fellos  what  tries  to  get  out  of  things 
by  bein  smart. 

Everythings  covered  with  mud  includin  me.  I 
seem  to  attract  mud  like  I  was  a  maggot,  Mable. 
Yesterday  I  spent  all  the  afternoon  shinin  up  for 
guard  SOS  to  be  the  Colonels  orderly.  Then  I 
step  out  of  the  tent  and  flui.  The  sargent  says, 
"Smith  dont  you  know  enuff  not  to  go  on  guard 
lookin  like  that?" 

I  even  got  mud  in  my  hair.  Max  Glucos  says 
when  he  combs  his  its  like  rakin  out  a  garden. 
From  what  I  seen  of  him  though  I  dont  see  how 
he  found  out. 

Its  pourin  rain  an  awful  cold.  Its  so  cold  that 
54 


'l    EVEN    GOT    MUD    IN    MY    HAIR" 


•the  water  comes  through  on  me 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE      ^^ 

the  tooth  past  rolls  right  offen  your  brush  In  the 
morning.  The  Captin  has  a  cold  in  his  nose. 
He  says  he  wont  take  the  men  out  in  such  bad 
wether  as  today.  Taint  nothin  against  him  Mable 
but  I  hope  he  has  a  cold  all  winter. 

Theres  a  hole  in  the  tent  over  my  cot  where 
the  water  comes  through  on  me.  I  put  a  slicker 
over  me  last  nite.  The  water  made  puddles  in 
it.  Then  when  I  turned  over  they  spilt  out  into  my 
shoes.  This  had  me  guessin  Mable  till  finally  I 
put  Max  Glucoses  shoes  there  instead  of  mine. 
Angus  MacKenzie  had  so  many  holes  over  his  cot 
that  it  looked  like  one  of  those  safety  fire  sprink- 
lers. He  got  up  last  nite  and  rigged  his  shelter 
half  SOS  the  water  hit  it  an  run  down  onto  the  next 
cot.  Hes  a  brite  fello,  Angus,  even  if  he  is  a 
forener. 

The  other  day  he  had  some  medecine  for  a 
cold.  It  says  on  the  bottle  that  it  was  17  per 
cent  alcohol.  He  drank  the  whole  thing  right 
down  SOS  nobody  couldnt  get  hold  of  it.  It  made 
him  awful  sick  but  he  says  thats  because  he  isnt 
used  to  it  for  such  a  long  time.  Me  and  hims 
goin  down  next  week  to  put  in  a  stock  of  tonics. 

Its  awful  hard  to  rite  letters,  Mable.  Some- 
bodys  always  fallin  over  your  feet  or  draggin 
something  wet  over  the  paper  if  youve  got  a  cot 
near  the  door  like  mine  is.     And  when  you  get 


56  DERE  MABLE 

goin  finally  at  about  the  fourth  try  some  sargent 
always  comes  In  with  a  list  and  makes  you  check 
up  something. 

Sometimes  I  go  over  to  the  Y.M.C.A.,  Mable. 
But  as  soon  as  you  get  ritin  a  bald  headed  fello 
jumps  up  an  says  "Now  fellos  well  all  sing,"  All 
the  fellos  whats  rItIn  looks  up  an  says  "Aw  one 
thing  and  another."  I  dont  know  who  the  bald 
headed  fello  is.  They  got  one  in  every  Y.M.C.A. 
They  all  look  about  alike.  I  guess  there  a  regular 
issue.  Theys  always  a  bunch  of  fellos  what  dont 
seem  to  kno  why  they  came.  They  all  start  sing- 
in.  Then  I  cant  rite  no  more  or  do  nothin.  So 
I  come  home  an  go  to  bed.  Independent.  Thats 
me  all  over,  Mable. 

Most  of  the  taxis  is  swalowed  up  in  the  mud. 
Theys  only  two  or  three  runnin  now.  Only  the 
big  strong  fellos  can  get  to  town.  The  cook  says 
its  the  old  theory  of  the  arrival  of  the  fittest.  But 
I  guess  you  dont  know  nothin  about  cience,  Mable. 
When  I  go  to  town  I  wrap  my  blouze  in  a  news- 
paper. If  they  know  your  goin  they  give  you  a 
list  of  things  to  get  that  looks  like  a  Chinese 
Message  to  Congress.  By  the  time  you  go  to 
come  home  you  got  so  many  bundles  you  look  like 
one  of  those  fellos  in  the  Funny  Papers.  Every- 
one stands  in  the  square  looking  like  a  hat  rack 
waitin  for  the  three  taxis  to  come  along.     When 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE     57 

they  see  one  they  rush  it  like  they  do  in  the  movies 
when  the  milunares  cars  runs  over  the  poor  fellos 
kid.  If  goin  over  the  top  is  any  worse  than  get- 
tin  under  the  top  of  one  of  them  things  with  fifty 
bundles  an  as  many  fellos  then  Sherman  didnt 
know  many  swear  words,  eh  Mable?  But  thats 
history.      I  guess  you  wouldnt  understand. 

And  then  when  you  get  home  without  a  bath  or 
a  hair  cut  or  the  movies  or  nothin,  an  you  forgot 
to  get  that  shavin  soap  for  yourself  an  spent  all 
your  money  they  say  "Thanks  Bill.  Put  it  over 
there.  Can  you  change  a  ten  dollar  bill?"  There 
ought  to  be  a  law  against  makin  money  in  such 
big  numbers. 

Im  glad  youve  taken  up  singin  lessons  again. 
You  ought  to  take  a  lot  of  em.  I  got  a  favor  to 
ask.  I  dont  do  that  offen.  Proud.  Thats  me 
all  over.  But  if  that  fello  Broggins  keeps  buttin 
round  sing  for  him  Mable.  It  aint  askin  much 
with  me  down  here  defendin  you.  Although  1 
dont  see  why  I  had  to  come  down  here  to  do  it. 

Yours  internally, 

Bill. 


Dere  Mahle: 

This  is  the  last  time  I  will  ever  take  my  pen  in 
hand  for  you.     All  is  over  among  us. 

I  felt  it  comin  for  some  time  Mable.  Today 
among  some  letters  that  I  got  from  girls  was  one 
from  a  girl  what  knos  you  well.  She  told  me 
all  about  this  fello  Broggins.  She  says  you  take 
him  around  with  you  everywhere.  Thats  the  kind 
of  a  fello  I  thought  he  was,  Mable,  but  Im  sur- 
prized at  you.  She  says  your  awful  fond  of  him 
hes  so  cute.  I  aint  cute  an  aint  never  pretended 
to  be.  A  mans  man.  Thats  me  all  over,  Mable. 
She  says  she  went  up  to  your  house  the  other  night 
an  he  was  sittin  in  your  lap  stickin  his  tongue  out 
at  my  pictur  on  the  mantlepiece.  After  that, 
Mable,  theres  nothin  to  say.  So  I  repeat,  its  all 
over  among  us. 

Im  returnin  today  by  parcels  post  the  red  sweter 
an  the  gloves  that  has  no  fingers  an  the  sox  that 
you  wear  over  your  head  an  your  pictur.  Most 
of  the  stuff  aint  been  used  much.  The  pictur  has 
some  mud  on  it  cause  I  had  to  keep  it  in  the  bot- 
tom of  my  barrak  bag  an  my  shoes  came  next. 
The  SOX  I  cant  send  back  cause  I  sold  em  to  Joe 
Glucos  an  you  wouldnt  want  em  now. 

58 


'the   last  time   I   WILL  TAKE   MY   PEN    IN   HAND   FOR   YOU" 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE      59 

The  stuff  that  you  sent  me  to  eat  I  havnt  kept. 
I  guess  you  wouldnt  want  that  anyway  Mable.  The 
stuff  that  your  mother  sent  me  Im  going  to  keep. 
She  wasnt  my  girl  an  she  didnt  have  to  send  all 
that  stuff  if  she  didnt  want  to. 

As  for  all  the  things  I  have  give  you,  Mable, 
keep  em.  I  dont  want  em  no  more.  I  aint  even 
goin  to  menshun  all  the  money  Ive  spent  on  you 
for  movies  an  sodas  an  the  Lord  knows  what  not. 
I  aint  the  kind  of  a  fello  to  throw  that  up  to  a 
fello  or  even  menshun  it  in  no  ways.  I  kept  track 
of  it  though  in  a  little  book.  It  comes  to  $28.27 
and  some  odd  sense. 

An  I  aint  agoin  to  hold  it  up  against  you  that  I 
been  savin  in  the  bank  for  most  two  years  sos  to 
have  a  little  somethin  tow*ards  that  house  with 
the  green  blinds.  And  that  I  got  somethin  like 
$87.22  in  the  bank  if  you  can  believe  what  that 
eagle  beak  in  the  cage  rites  in  your  book.  All 
wasted  you  might  say,  when  you  think  of  the  fun 
I  might  have  had  with  it  in  the  last  two  years. 
Those  things  we'll  just  forget.  You  seem  to  have 
already. 

An  that  seasons  pass  I  got  for  you  for  the  Hap- 

pyhour  sos  you  could  keep  in  touch  with  things 

while  I  was  away.     Keep  that  and  take  Broggins. 

.  Otherwise   I   got   a  hunch  you   aint  goin  to  the 

movies  as  much  as  you  used  to. 


6o  DERE  MABLE 

I  guess  this  will  hit  your  father  an  mother  pret- 
ty hard.  They  got  nobody  to  blame  but  your- 
self. On  the  other  hand  its  goin  to  please  some) 
girls  that  I  know.  So  its  a  poor  wind  that  dont 
blow  nobody  round  as  the  poets  say.  I  guess  you 
wont  here  much  about  the  poets  any  more,  Mable. 
About  all  youll  here  is  Broggins.  I  hate  a  man 
what  talks  about  himself. 

I  suppose  he  has  joined  the  Home  defence.  Are 
you  goln  to  have  a  military  weddin,  Mable? 

Im  kind  of  sorry  for  your  father.  If  you  have 
his  liver  on  your  hands  dont  blame  me.  You  know 
the  doctor  said  any  kind  of  a  shock  would  set  him 
off  a  mile. 

An  now,  Mable,  Im  closin  for  the  last  time.  It 
wont  be  no  use  runin  to  the  door  when  you  here 
the  postman  no  more  cause  he  wont  have  nothin 
but  the  gas  bill.  From  now  on  the  only  way  youll 
here  from  me  Is  in  the  papers  perhaps  when  we 
get  over  there. 

Now  Im  going  to  ask  you  a  favor,  Mable,  for 
old  times  sake.  Take  the  pictur  I  had  taken 
pointin  to  the  American  flag  an  burn  It  up.  You 
cant  have  that  to  show  your  friends  no  more  an 
I  aint  goin  to  have  no  flat  foot  makin  faces  at  it. 
I  may  be  selfish,  Mable,  but  a  girl  cant  make  a 
cake  an  eat  It  too  as  the  old  sayin  Is. 

Give  my  best  to  your  father  an  mother.     Tell 


IT   WONT    BE    NO    USE    RUNIN    TO    THE    DOOR 


LOVE  LETTERS  OF  A  ROOKIE      61 

em  I  simpathize  with  them  in  there  loss.  Its  no 
use  ritin  any  more  cause  Im  firm  as  the  rock  of 
Gibber  Alter.  Concrete.  Thats  me  all  over, 
Mable. 

as  ever 

yours  no  longer 

Bill. 


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RECEIVED  AT  PhilopoUs,  H.  T. 

Miss  Mable  Gimp 
106  Main  Street 

Philopolis,  N.  Y, 


Dere  Mable:  How  was  I  to  know 
Broggins  was  a  dog.  You  can  send 
back  all  your  stuff  and  make  me  some 
more  if  you  wdnt  to.  This  telegram 
is  costing  me  nine  cents  a  word  so  I 
I   cant  say  no  more  now.  Thrifty, 
Thats  me  all  over,  Mable. 

Bill. 


Announcement 

Thats  Me  All  Over,  Mable 

will  be  the  title  of  the  new  book 
written  by  Lieut.  Streeter  and 
illustrated  by  Corporal  ''Bill" 
Breck,  the  author  and  illustrator  of 


The  millions  who  have  laughed 
over  Bill's  letters  to  Mable  will 
enjoy  the  same  delightful  humor 
in  these  letters. 

Publication  Date 
January   15th,  1919 

Price  Net  75  Cents 
XJniform  with  Dere  Mable 


( ^^i>^^^ 


THE  LIBRARY 
UNIVERSITY  OF  C  ALIKORNIA 

Santa  Barbara 


THIS  BOOK  IS  DIE  ON  THE  EAST  DATE 
STAMPED  BELOW. 


lOOM  11/86  Series  9482 


4    8 


